In this current climate there are fewer interviews going around, so it stands to reason that you would want to try and do your best at an interview, wouldn't you? Well, judging by some of the candidates that I have personally interviewed over the years, as well as the many clients interview de-briefs I have listened to, 'doing your best' is a VERY loose term!
If you have sat on the other side of the interview fence, then what I am going to say will make perfect sense to you. You may even be able to condone my 'thinking' on this.....then again maybe not!
As a recruiter I, (like many interviewers) have developed a way of dealing with candidates that seem to go out of their way to really ****me off during an interview. I put my right hand under my desk, bring out a large axe, and then embed it in the centre of the forehead of the said candidate!
While I obviously don't really do it (honestly I don't), the thought of the process is strangely therapeutic! So what will a job seeker have to have done to 'warrant the axe'?
Here are my ten ways that a job seeker can really upset an interviewer and warrant having their head cleaved with a metaphorical Woodman's axe:
1. Don't turn up late to an interview and offer no apology whatsoever. This is just blatant rudeness and will not be tolerated at all. If they can't even acknowledge being late what hope have they for working for you?
2. Don't turn up smelling like they have just smoked 20 cigarettes in the last five minutes. Sometimes it is even worse - you meet them from reception and they still seems to have a smoke cloud around them! Makes me question nerves and addictions immediately and gets me reaching for an early axing!
3. Don't be overly arrogant or blatantly rude, especially to receptionists, secretaries or PA's. Interviewers don't hire cocksure bullies whose ego is bigger than Mount Everest! (Exception to the rule are Investment Banking City Traders; their default requirement is an ego the size of Africa!)
4. Don't display a complete lack of motivation or laziness. If you can just about to be bothered to get you ass out of bed to get to the interview, then quite frankly don't bother! Even worse, if during the interview you utter those immortal words....'I dunno', 'yeah, whatever'or 'the Job Centre told me I had to apply', then expect the interviewer to buzz through to their secretary to send them down to the local DIY shop for a real axe!
5. Don't continually complain or moan about previous employers or employees. While there may be a fragment of truth in your previous issues or grievances, don't air them at your interview. It makes you come across as an angry, embittered person, who is not able to look forward and take the positives out of a previous situation. If the interviewer just happens to know the people you have been slagging off then you will have finished the interview before you have got started!
6. Don't lie. Get caught lying and the axe will be out quicker than you can say 'Gordon Brown's a Loooser'. If you have been stretching the truth on your CV then make sure you know it inside out and are prepared to be challenged on it. Quiver, shake or say 'umm' too many times and you will have given yourself away and got caught committing a cardinal sin.
7. Don't show a lack of respect for either the interviewer or the company you are sitting in front of. Do no go to an interview without doing the basic research. You WILL DEFINITELY be asked the question, 'So what do you know about our company?' Failure to be able to answer that question - after all even if you just read their website you could answer it - is tantamount to high treason, of which there is no excuse.
8. Don't forget to put deodorant on. Turning up to an interview with a strange smelling aroma about your person, is an embarrassing situation for both you and the interviewer. Under stress and duress, the human body will sweat - that's only natural. Make sure you are prepared, make sure deodorant is used and avoid the potential nightmare.
9. Don't drink and interview - they just don't mix! Dutch courage should be left in Holland, and shouldn't be taken prior to any important meeting, especially an interview. I am not sure if there is anything more annoying to an interviewer, to know that the person has had to go to a pub or bar to get the 'strength' to attend the interview. No excuse at all.
10. Don't take the interviewer for granted. When you get up to leave, shake the person's hand and thank them for the time. Even ask them if they have been successful at the interview. But don't leave the room without doing both of these things, remember, that is the last thing the interviewer will be thinking about you.
I am already thing of having to do a second list - a sort of Part 2, but I will save that for another day :-)
Just for reference though:
No, I am not undergoing anger management classes
No, I don't really have an axe under my desk - just a metaphorical one!
No, I am not a vindictive, mad axe murderer
No job seekers were harmed in the research for this article
.....and Yes, I do have a vivid imagination!
Obviously there is a little fun involved here, but the mistakes are only too real. if you are a job seeker, please see through the humour and take not, after all, jobs are hard enough to get at the moment, without alienating the interviewer immediately!
